Yates's, Croydon  

What's with Croydon? The shopping centres are pretty good and both central London and the delights or Surrey are within easy reach. Even the reputation for violence is more in the telling than the action - but, golly gosh, it can do grot when it tries. This is one of these places which forgets yobs tend also to be illiterate. Or do they really think doorway signs listing various "policies" mean anything at all? They advertise a no drugs policy; a no headgear policy; a stop and search policy, Mmm, must be fun inside this postmodern barn. And, students, sign up for your "Skint" card - get discounts and a chance to jump the queue (A queue? Here? Has the world gone mad?) at weekends. No doubt the local working lads wish the intelligentsia well as they skip past and yearn only that more of their tax money could be so wisely invested in the education of their betters. Seems the sort of place to tank-up cheaply before hitting the clubs - although again have we got that wrong? After all, there's yet another Yates's policy: "Thank You For Drinking Responsibly". Mmm,again. Planet Zog is blue and there's nothing I can do...

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